By request and/or potential spousal obligation

A friend graciously pointed out that I have made no mention of the past weekend's Main Event: the first anniversary with the love of my life. This omission was not by design, I promise. Long time followers of my blog will remember I set out to list "Praises for Marriage" every month after our wedding... Overambitious Emily, I made it a mere 5 months to October 2008 and listed only 12 things. As I know Shelby faithfully checks my blog (on somewhere between an hourly basis and a daily basis), I will say that there are way, waaaaaay more than 12 great things about marriage. I'm just too busy enjoying the whole institution to write it all down.

Such was life this past weekend, when Shelby and I celebrated our first year of blissful matrimony. To catch everyone up to speed (ahem, Jodie), we were happy to simply enjoy our Sunday together. We went to church, Shelby made me a delicious Sunday brunch, and we exchanged gifts. Later, we made it to a birthday party for friends. The night was almost over when I told Shelby the last gift I hoped for was to have another day together. And sure enough, we spent all day Monday together, too - thank you Memorial Day!

As for the gifts, I got Shelby a shirt & tie and a grill utensil set. If that sounds lame, the real gift was a Time Capsule of all the little memories I collected from events leading up to and during our wedding, along with a framed copy of our wedding invitation (which I counted as the traditional "paper" gift associated with a first anniversary). The idea is to keep the frame out all the time, but only look at the Time Capsule once a year. Shelby got me beautiful personalized stationary with my new name and address, and he wrote me the sweetest anniversary note - the first of (at least) 59, he said.

We have much to be thankful for in the past year of our life together. A baby on the way, a beautiful home, and a stronger relationship than ever, we're off to a really good start. All in all, it was a great anniversary, spent exactly the way I wanted: with my Shelb.

Back to the books

I've been reading Stephen King's Dark Tower series and am finally back on track to finish sometime during this decade. My goal was to finish by the end of 2008, but by that time I kept a pretty consistent bedtime of 8:30 or 9pm. Although reading went by the wayside, I have now restarted the sixth installment (Song of Susannah), this time by audiobook. (No, this is not cheating.) In one afternoon, I caught up to where I had left off after months of attempting to read the physical/paperback edition!

I can't believe it has taken me so long to get through this book - it is FANTASTIC. Sort of like the time I fell asleep in the theater watching "The Bourne Identity," which I have now seen and loved. Is the Dark Tower series for everyone? Probably! It's all I can think about. I have to get back to listening!

Etown Success/Looking Ahead

I made it to Etown last night for the Belk trip. A friend graciously drove, but it was still exhausting. My feet and ankles were so completely swollen by my later-than-usual 11pm bedtime, and I'm pretty wiped out today.

Luckily, it's a 3-day weekend! And tomorrow is a big day! (Stay tuned.) And Monday Shelby & I both have off - alllllll day and night. Hooray!!

The Library

Bookshelf by Shelby
(photo by me with my new iphone!)

We only have a few short weeks before Josie's arrival, so we're putting the finishing touches on everything and getting things in order. Shelby's latest project was to build a bookshelf in the nursery, which turned out to be great! My mom blessed my brother and me by saving all of our children's books, so after we divvied them up, baby girl Josie has quite a library started already. Back when they were still MY books, I implemented my own version of the Dewey Decimal System - my handwritten numbers on the spines of some books have survived as proof. Now my library has one patron, and I'm working to expand the collection for her. Just this week I ordered James Marshall's Complete Collection of George and Martha. (Do you know George and Martha? They are terrific.) What's next?? Time will tell!

Me, in the kitchen - yikes!

I saw the preview for the Julie/Julia movie due out this summer. If you haven't heard of the movie, basically a lady sets out to make every recipe from a Julia Child cookbook. Something I maybe should consider...

Tomorrow night I'm having my friend Jamie and her 5 year old son over for dinner. I'm getting a little nervous about hosting the meal because I'm not so great in the kitchen. Inexperienced, let's say. In my defense, I make a mean grilled cheese, and I'm pretty good with ground beef, particularly in a pasta-and-meat-sauce capacity. But inviting someone over for a grilled cheese sounds like a disappointment to ruin your week, and Jamie's son will only eat chicken... (Ah, the mysteries of children.) So tonight's agenda looks filled with a quick scan of recipes that I have never made, are difficult to botch, and will satisfy those with food allergies and picky eaters alike. Say a prayer and wish me luck!

True Confessions of a Secretary

The June 2009 issue of Vanity Fair features an exclusive interview with Bernie Madoff's secretary, who held the job for 25 years. I'm so very intrigued by her story. Assuming she is telling the truth and knew nothing of Madoff's illegal activities, this woman's exposure has surely left secretaries everywhere wondering, "What is my boss doing that I don't know about?" Myself included! Executive assistant, office administrator, receptionist - I'm a secretary, no matter how you look at it, and I cannot imagine such a large scandal getting past me. A small scandal, even. Sort of makes me wonder what Madoff had his secretary doing. For 25 years, her job might have been quite dull. Then everything in her life got very, very interesting... Watch the interview and see what I mean.

Handy Man Extraordinaire!

My dad is one of the handiest men I know. Like your typical daddy's girl, I'm quite proud of him. He can figure out how to fix things, how to make things, etc. It's a fine gift he has.

But this post is about someone else.

Dad-to-be and my husband Shelby is giving my dad a run for his money. Of course, my dad has a 20 year head start on Shelby, but if you were to compare them both before age 30, I'd venture to say Shelby would have the lead. After years of working on the farm (mostly by himself), he's self-taught and very resourceful. He has become particularly handy since we moved into our house last September. Recessed lights? No problem. Dishwasher installation? Child's play!

It's been really inspiring to watch his confidence grow with each successful project. He once said he wasn't good at woodworking, but based on his latest completion, I'd say he's got a handle on wood. He's even planning to build a bookshelf for Josie.

Workbench by Shelby
(photo also by Shelby)

We'll see how he measures up in 20 years, when Josie finds her own handy man...

Marriage: Contract vs. Covenant

My cousin-in-law Courtney sent the following email out last week, a timely piece as Shelby and I approach our first anniversary. In our first year of marriage, we are committed to each other to live by a covenant, beginning our lives together with God's preferred form of agreement. Whether you're struggling in your marriage or needing encouragement to know you're on the right track, here are some thoughts:

Is your marriage based on contract or covenant?

Contrasting Attitudes
Contract	Covenant
You had better do it!	How may I serve you?
What do I get?	What can I give?
What will it take?	Whatever it takes!
It's not my responsibility.	I'm happy to do it!
It's not my fault.	I accept responsibility.
I'll meet you halfway.	I'll give 100 percent.
I'll be faithful for now.	I'll be faithful forever.
I am suspicious.	I am trusting.
I have to.	I want to.
It's a deal.	It's a relationship.

How you answer determines:

1. How you approach your marriage
2. How hard you work on your marriage
3. How you see your spouse

If your marriage is a contract, you see your spouse as he or she is – faults, flaws and foibles. Every irritation can become huge. Assume the worst.
If your marriage is a covenant, you see your spouse not as he or she is, but as he or she can become. Assume the best. Overlook imperfections.
A contract magnifies faults. A covenant covers faults with love.
WARNING: Even a marriage that begins in covenant can degenerate into a contract over time.

I'll do my part, if you'll do yours.
I'll meet you in the middle.
If you'll do this, I'll do that.
Marriage is a 50/50 proposition.
That's not my role.

These phrases relate to terms and conditions and are contractual in nature. A true covenant marriage is always a threesome: God, husband, and wife.

Example: A 3-Stranded Cord
I have two daughters. As they grew up, Leigh braided their hair and the hair of their friends. I never knew how. The kids loved it—they knew how to weave three strands together. It was a tight hold, beautiful and stayed in place. The third strand holds the other two. It is the same with a rope—three strands are better than two, four, or five. Why? The third strand is constantly touching the other two—it is the strongest and the tightest. In covenant marriage, God is the critical third stand: husband/wife/God. As Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, said, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Covenant marriage, as divinely planned, is a binding together of three persons: a man, a woman, and Almighty God. As long as the couple stays in close contact with each other and with God, they have an unbreakable bond.

By God's design, life's two most intimate and sacred relationships are:

1. Salvation
2. Marriage

They are entered into and maintained on the basis of covenant.

Two Covenants:

1. With your Master: by a blood bought covenant at Calvary, you are offered forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ as a free gift. It cannot be earned. It cannot be unearned.
2. With your mate

If God operated on the basis of contract, we would all be doomed. I certainly would. I've broken many promises. I've defaulted. How about you? Yet God has given us unconditional grace, unconditional love and unending forgiveness.

Three things your mate needs that you can't give apart from the power and grace of God:

1. A love that is unconditional.
2. A forgiveness that is unending.
3. An attitude that is unselfish.

Covenant love is a tenacious love that never lets go. Never gives up. Never quits – but holds on with a bulldog tenacity regardless of what the other partner does or fails to do. Unconditional covenant love overrides feelings, fickleness and even failures. What happens in a marriage when your worst nightmare occurs? You need to know in advance that it is possible to get through such a worst-case scenario. You don't have to crash and burn. It is not the end of the world. In fact, it is possible to survive and soar again – you just need to know how to pull out of the spiral and set things back on course.

This is a passage from a book called The Irrational Season, in a chapter titled, "To a Long-Loved Love."

No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again – 'til next time. I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters, something has been gained – and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is a mystery, and a gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed.

That is the power of covenant love. Covenant forgiveness is an inexhaustible forgiveness.

Hosea:
Hosea is one of the great love stories in the Bible. God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and he does. Following the marriage, Gomer has three children. Hosea is painfully aware that he is not the father. Gomer left Hosea and drifted from lover to lover or client to client. Gomer ended up with nothing but hurt. Hitting bottom, she found herself stripped naked in front of a jeering crown of foul-mouthed men to be auctioned off as a slave. As unbelievable as it sounds, Hosea was in that crowd of gawkers not to gawk and gaze but to buy and bless. Hosea bought Gomer back, not as a slave, but as his wife. In covenant's inexhaustible forgiveness, God, rather than telling Hosea to abandon Gomer forever (which she deserved) told him to buy her back and love her again as his wife. Hosea 3:1: "The LORD said to me, 'Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.'"

Source: Fred Lowry, during the January 12-14, 2005 "FamilyLife Today" broadcast on "Covenant Marriage" (www.familylife.com).

Home Sweet Home

Where are you going on summer vacation? This year, my time away from work will be spent on maternity leave. Hardly a vacation, I've heard. But if I were living a different life, where would I go to get away?

No where. I love being at home.

It's not about the cost of vacation, I promise. Even if things were too tight for a 2 week excursion to Paris, we could at least swing a long weekend in Gatlinburg. No matter our financial situation, I'll pass on Paris and Gatlinburg.

It's not about the endless list of things to do around the house. We have successfully finished Phase 1 of our home makeover, so there's really not a ton to do. Phase 2 hasn't exactly been planned, so we're all set.

My idea of a good time is a staycation: a vacation at home. Spending a week at home with my husband, doing anything we want without a plan or schedule, exploring our hometown - who could want more? There will be time to see Niagra Falls and swim in the Mediterranean. When the travel bug bites, I guess.