By request and/or potential spousal obligation

A friend graciously pointed out that I have made no mention of the past weekend's Main Event: the first anniversary with the love of my life. This omission was not by design, I promise. Long time followers of my blog will remember I set out to list "Praises for Marriage" every month after our wedding... Overambitious Emily, I made it a mere 5 months to October 2008 and listed only 12 things. As I know Shelby faithfully checks my blog (on somewhere between an hourly basis and a daily basis), I will say that there are way, waaaaaay more than 12 great things about marriage. I'm just too busy enjoying the whole institution to write it all down.

Such was life this past weekend, when Shelby and I celebrated our first year of blissful matrimony. To catch everyone up to speed (ahem, Jodie), we were happy to simply enjoy our Sunday together. We went to church, Shelby made me a delicious Sunday brunch, and we exchanged gifts. Later, we made it to a birthday party for friends. The night was almost over when I told Shelby the last gift I hoped for was to have another day together. And sure enough, we spent all day Monday together, too - thank you Memorial Day!

As for the gifts, I got Shelby a shirt & tie and a grill utensil set. If that sounds lame, the real gift was a Time Capsule of all the little memories I collected from events leading up to and during our wedding, along with a framed copy of our wedding invitation (which I counted as the traditional "paper" gift associated with a first anniversary). The idea is to keep the frame out all the time, but only look at the Time Capsule once a year. Shelby got me beautiful personalized stationary with my new name and address, and he wrote me the sweetest anniversary note - the first of (at least) 59, he said.

We have much to be thankful for in the past year of our life together. A baby on the way, a beautiful home, and a stronger relationship than ever, we're off to a really good start. All in all, it was a great anniversary, spent exactly the way I wanted: with my Shelb.

Marriage: Contract vs. Covenant

My cousin-in-law Courtney sent the following email out last week, a timely piece as Shelby and I approach our first anniversary. In our first year of marriage, we are committed to each other to live by a covenant, beginning our lives together with God's preferred form of agreement. Whether you're struggling in your marriage or needing encouragement to know you're on the right track, here are some thoughts:

Is your marriage based on contract or covenant?

Contrasting Attitudes
Contract	Covenant
You had better do it!	How may I serve you?
What do I get?	What can I give?
What will it take?	Whatever it takes!
It's not my responsibility.	I'm happy to do it!
It's not my fault.	I accept responsibility.
I'll meet you halfway.	I'll give 100 percent.
I'll be faithful for now.	I'll be faithful forever.
I am suspicious.	I am trusting.
I have to.	I want to.
It's a deal.	It's a relationship.

How you answer determines:

1. How you approach your marriage
2. How hard you work on your marriage
3. How you see your spouse

If your marriage is a contract, you see your spouse as he or she is – faults, flaws and foibles. Every irritation can become huge. Assume the worst.
If your marriage is a covenant, you see your spouse not as he or she is, but as he or she can become. Assume the best. Overlook imperfections.
A contract magnifies faults. A covenant covers faults with love.
WARNING: Even a marriage that begins in covenant can degenerate into a contract over time.

I'll do my part, if you'll do yours.
I'll meet you in the middle.
If you'll do this, I'll do that.
Marriage is a 50/50 proposition.
That's not my role.

These phrases relate to terms and conditions and are contractual in nature. A true covenant marriage is always a threesome: God, husband, and wife.

Example: A 3-Stranded Cord
I have two daughters. As they grew up, Leigh braided their hair and the hair of their friends. I never knew how. The kids loved it—they knew how to weave three strands together. It was a tight hold, beautiful and stayed in place. The third strand holds the other two. It is the same with a rope—three strands are better than two, four, or five. Why? The third strand is constantly touching the other two—it is the strongest and the tightest. In covenant marriage, God is the critical third stand: husband/wife/God. As Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, said, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Covenant marriage, as divinely planned, is a binding together of three persons: a man, a woman, and Almighty God. As long as the couple stays in close contact with each other and with God, they have an unbreakable bond.

By God's design, life's two most intimate and sacred relationships are:

1. Salvation
2. Marriage

They are entered into and maintained on the basis of covenant.

Two Covenants:

1. With your Master: by a blood bought covenant at Calvary, you are offered forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ as a free gift. It cannot be earned. It cannot be unearned.
2. With your mate

If God operated on the basis of contract, we would all be doomed. I certainly would. I've broken many promises. I've defaulted. How about you? Yet God has given us unconditional grace, unconditional love and unending forgiveness.

Three things your mate needs that you can't give apart from the power and grace of God:

1. A love that is unconditional.
2. A forgiveness that is unending.
3. An attitude that is unselfish.

Covenant love is a tenacious love that never lets go. Never gives up. Never quits – but holds on with a bulldog tenacity regardless of what the other partner does or fails to do. Unconditional covenant love overrides feelings, fickleness and even failures. What happens in a marriage when your worst nightmare occurs? You need to know in advance that it is possible to get through such a worst-case scenario. You don't have to crash and burn. It is not the end of the world. In fact, it is possible to survive and soar again – you just need to know how to pull out of the spiral and set things back on course.

This is a passage from a book called The Irrational Season, in a chapter titled, "To a Long-Loved Love."

No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again – 'til next time. I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters, something has been gained – and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is a mystery, and a gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed.

That is the power of covenant love. Covenant forgiveness is an inexhaustible forgiveness.

Hosea:
Hosea is one of the great love stories in the Bible. God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and he does. Following the marriage, Gomer has three children. Hosea is painfully aware that he is not the father. Gomer left Hosea and drifted from lover to lover or client to client. Gomer ended up with nothing but hurt. Hitting bottom, she found herself stripped naked in front of a jeering crown of foul-mouthed men to be auctioned off as a slave. As unbelievable as it sounds, Hosea was in that crowd of gawkers not to gawk and gaze but to buy and bless. Hosea bought Gomer back, not as a slave, but as his wife. In covenant's inexhaustible forgiveness, God, rather than telling Hosea to abandon Gomer forever (which she deserved) told him to buy her back and love her again as his wife. Hosea 3:1: "The LORD said to me, 'Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.'"

Source: Fred Lowry, during the January 12-14, 2005 "FamilyLife Today" broadcast on "Covenant Marriage" (www.familylife.com).

On Being Brave

I finally learned how to transfer my blog from my old gmail account to my new one. The once necessary logging out and in of different gmail accounts was one hinderance to my blogging frequency. Seriously - I can be that lazy.

The transfer process was actually very simple. I held my breath as I deleted the old account's privileges, hoping that my whole blog would still be in tact. It turned out alright, with only one minor glitch. My "About Me" section was deleted, so I had to revisit my very first post to accurately sum up the story behind this blog.

I've never been one to "journal," but I can see why people might enjoy it. There's nothing like having your own thoughts jotted down somewhere to be rediscovered by a later You. Finding little pieces of the past can remind you of where you've been and teach you a lot about where you're going. Reading my very first post took me back to November 2007, all accompanying memories from my first year in Kentucky, and everything it took to get me here: a wonderful man, opening doors, and a lot of faith.

I'm not big on a lot of contemporary Christian music, but I really, really, very much enjoy Nichole Nordeman. She sings (and I think wrote) a song called "Brave," which speaks to a lot of different situations, but definitely to circumstances of change. Moving to Kentucky took a lot of courage for me, as I had only lived in one town (with the exception of college, which wasn't really any different) for my whole life. Most of my family is there, or nearby. My closest friends had grown up with me since kindergarten. I could drive the streets blindfolded and had memories around every corner.

I left all that behind, armed with God-given bravery, for Kentucky, where I knew only one person very well, and knew no street names. A blank slate can be exciting - and a little scary, to say the least. God was calling me here, and I answered in a big way. "To say Your name, just Your name, and I'm ready to go..."

I would guess that most people thought I was crazy to move. But - "if You believe in me, that changes everything..." I had the Lord encouraging me, believing in me, that this was not so crazy after all. Married and with a child on the way, I have seen God's hand at work in me in Kentucky. I was brave because of Him. "The way it always was, it's no longer good enough..."

And still, "You make me wanna be brave."

A run for my $$

I am 100% confident in my husband's ability to remain faithful to me. I really think he's being totally honest when he says I am the most beautiful lady he has ever seen. All sweetness aside, we have an incredibly strong relationship. But if there ever was a woman to give me a run for my money, it would be Cindy Crawford. And who could blame him? It's Cindy, afterall. Sure, she's got genes on her side. But she also seems to have a realistic view on life, body image, aging, etc - all to make the envious woman that much greener. One of my new favorite blogs, "Workout Mommy," recently highlighted Allure Magazine's feature on Cindy. Supermodel role model for the aging woman. As my mother would say, "she really seems to have her head on straight." If we can't all look like Cindy when we're 43, maybe we can at least have her self acceptance and confidence. And anyway, not everyone would look so sultry with a facial mole. Let's be honest!

Not sure if I know 1199 people

I was going through my bookmarked websites, and clicked on our wedding webpage from The Knot to decide if I should keep it bookmarked or not. Out of curiosity, I scrolled to the bottom of the page to see how many people have viewed our page. 1199?!?!?! Can that really be true?? Who has been visiting the site? Do we actually know that many people? Doubtful! We've been married for 10 months, but do people still visit the wedding webpage? Now I really don't know if I should keep it bookmarked or not...

Congrats, Jodie and Tony!

Our friends Jodie and Tony got engaged on Saturday!  We're so happy for them and the exciting times ahead.  We were even a part of the scheming to make it a surprise.  The four of us were supposed to go out to a fancy dinner, but I "got sick on the way to the restaurant" and couldn't make it.  Lucky for Jodie I was sick - lucky for me I actually wasn't!  

It was only by coincidence that I saw "Bride Wars" with a few girlfriends on Sunday.  I confess that there were more than a few teary-eyed moments during the movie.  I was skeptical about the likelihood that an Anne Hathaway character and a Kate Hudson character would be friends, but I think they pulled it off.  As far as chick flicks go, it was quite a bit more tolerable for men than "Mamma Mia," if that gives you any idea if you should bring your significant other along.  Definitely rentable, possibly even worth a matinee in the theater!  Save all the other good movies out right now for the dinner-and-a-movie date night.

Praises for Marriage #10-12

Well, I have been enjoying marriage too much to blog about it at the 4 month mark.  On September 24, 2008, I was two days away from moving into our new house - and hadn't hardly packed a thing (including my computer, so I guess technically I could have blogged).  Now that things have sort of calmed back down, I can reflect on the more three things to love about marriage:

10.  Making a house a home.

11.  Surviving the process of buying a house during The Great Depression.

12.  Cookouts for two.

There are certainly MANY more praises for marriage than these three.  An infinite amount, to be exact.  Like many others in this blog, this post is one of many to come in a series.  Don't want to give all the secrets of marriage away at once!

Praises for Marriage #7-9

Third monthiversary! We've now been to two other weddings as "the old married folk." Why do we support and encourage these other nuptials? Well:

7. Breakfast in bed. Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits are my fave.
8. Slow dancing in the kitchen.
9. Tag team driving back to Virginia. (And what a great team we make. Is marriage an Olympic sport? We'd win the gold for sure.)

There are certainly MANY more praises for marriage than these three. An infinite amount, to be exact. Like many others in this blog, this post is one of many to come in a series. Don't want to give all the secrets of marriage away at once!

Praises for Marriage #4-6

Two months and going strong :) I discover great things about marriage every day. For instance:

4. When preparing for tomorrow's workday, someone will make your lunch for you if you're too tired to do it.
5. A Saturday night at home is not a lonely event.
6. The love notes keep coming!

There are certainly MANY more praises for marriage than these three. An infinite amount, to be exact. Like many others in this blog, this post is one of many to come in a series. Don't want to give all the secrets of marriage away at once!

Praises for Marriage #1-3

Shelby & I were married one month ago today! So, how is married life??

GREAT. I would definitely recommend it. You are:

1. Required to spend at least some portion of each day with your best friend.
2. Allowed to have bad breath without fear of ultimate rejection.
3. Given a chance to take a better Driver's License photo.

There are certainly MANY more praises for marriage than these three. An infinite amount, to be exact. Like many others in this blog, this post is one of many to come in a series. Don't want to give all the secrets of marriage away at once!

Wedding Arms

With the wedding fast approaching, it's crunch time for last minute details - including significantly increased motivation to make it to the gym before the sun comes up.  The question is not how much weight I want to lose (don't wanna), the question is how to get Katharine McPhee's arms (gotta have 'em).  

Shelby gave me my birthday presents early, which included a kettlebell (I'm sure to mistakenly call it a kettleball) that I hope will help me with this new wedding arms goal.  Then, Katharine & I can make our own "3 Months to Great Arms" video - assuming that's how long it took her and how long it will take me/how much time I have...